I have officially surrendered to the world of blogging. I guess partly inevitable, but other inspired by other women's blogs that I have seen......really just one woman in particular Carly Marie that has writing a blog about her pregnancy after the loss of her son. I can only hope that I can provide some kind of clarity to myself, and anything other than would be bonus.
It is in moments like these that I don't even know where to start about how I am feeling. My head reels through every emotion, somehow feeling everything and nothing at the same time. I never thought I would be here writing a blog about I am trying to live life without my baby instead of starting this blog to boast about life with a new baby. I should be posting picture after picture of Luke's "firsts" and all our new parent blunders. Sadly that is not my life right now, and it will never be....not with Luke.
My sleepless nights are not caused my crying son, but my mind screaming through that day's thoughts of trying to understand what happened and what I could have done different. Anxiety, fear, sadness, He room remains untouched with all his clothes neatly hanging in his closest. His swing, bouncer, car seat and stroller in the corner of house fully assembled batteries and all.....still waiting for that baby.....still waiting for Luke. It seems absolutely ludicrous sometimes that he will never come home.....we will never hear his voice, we'll never see his smile or the sparkle in his eyes, we'll never hear his laugh, or watch him learn something...anything.
It will be 2 months on Monday.....I should have a 2 month old.......but instead he was dying two months ago today.......
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