I raise the white flag....

Never more than one can handle.....yeah right! What a fucking joke! I gave it a go I suppose, kept my face smiling and looking upward "walking the journey" just sure that I would make it to the other side.....I'm not so sure now. I think I did it at first to convince myself I would be ok, that this wouldn't break me; now I am just trying to convince everyone else it is not breaking me.....its getting harder to give a shit to even try to cover it. I should be broken, my baby is dead. I am broken.

I guess I just should have done it when people would have expected me to loose it....missed my chance, right?! I had my opportunity to play my crazy card understandably and I didn't. Now I am just the girl who can deal, who can't move on.

Ironically, this is the time I should be pulling it back together.....for Babes....

If I can't hold it together now how will I ever manage if she has to leave us too....or even more so if we actually get to keep her?